Cause & Effect

We had a baby (Reid).
Babies must ride in car seats.
Car Seat fits well in 4 Runner.
4-Runner had Sirus Radio.
Todd stops driving 4-Runner mostly.
Todd drive Honda.
Honda has XM (THIS IS GOING SOMEWHERE, Stay with me!)
Best XM Station: Oprah & Friend, XM154.
Todd listens to Oprah & Friends.
Todd learns about Peter Walsh.
Peter Walsh writes, 'It's All Too Much' (How to oraginze your life.
Todd buys book.
We are ORGANIZING OUR LIFE. . .(Cause & Effect) and I do mean organizing! We spent the weekend in Palm Desert with Todd's parents. He read almost the entire book, we talked about the concepts over dinner and the entire drive home yesterday. To date we've cleaned out eight bags of clothes, reorganized our entire closet. . because our closet wasn't meeting the "vision we have for our life". . . YIKES!! As I write this, Todd is systematically organing all of the CD's in our house (and there are quite a LOT of these CD's). And don't be suprised if any gift you might recieve from us in the future is wrapped in brown paper with one of three different colored ribbon's, (Black, white or Red)(Because this is what Peter suggests. . ) This organization frenzy is actually a really good thing, not that we live an "unorganized" or cluttered life, but it is nice to "lighten" the load. :) Poor Reid, I hope he turns out okay. . he seemed not the least bit disturbed today by watching me sort through all my drawers. . . in fact I think he enjoyed it, or maybe it was the hanging on the wall that was so facinating. . .
So I hope your home, room, space matches the vision you have for your life in 2008. . and if it doesn't. . .we know a really good book, or Todd can come share his new found knowledge with you. . he's QUITE excited about all this!

Manners

Reid and I went on a little outing today. (We're learning how to get out, things take a lot more time and thought with a little one!) He was doing so well after our errands and I hadn't had any coffee ALL DAY, that I thought, "Let's go to Starbucks". . so while I was waiting for my decaf Vanilla Latte my little guy, it seems, was entertaining the other Starbucks patrons. The gentleman (with a smile) said, "He's sticking his tongue out at me!". . I guess it's never to early to start teaching manners. . not that at this point of Reid's five WEEKS that I really have much influence. . it was pretty cute, he was totally looking at (or in the direction of) this gentleman, and sticking his tongue out at him!!

It was actually a great treat for me to go out, he was snug as a bug in his new stroller, I was able to sit down and even read a bit!! I LOVE it! For any parents, or will-be parents. . I HIGHLY recommend anything by Dr. Sears. . but his newest Vaccine book in particular. It's a GREAT resource about vaccines, there is so much controversy about shots these days and I've been looking for a good resources to get information and I FOUND it with his book! I like to make informed decisions and I think I'll be able to do that when in comes to Reid's immunizations now!

Today is a monumental day, we are now officially in 3-6 month outfits. . all of our 0-3 month clothes have been put away, and at the rate we're going, these clothes aren't going to last for very long either! He's growing like a weed! I think he is close to 23.5 inches (he was born at 21 inches!)

Sappy Mommy Entry. . .

Several months ago, in some context, I'm not quite sure what, someone said something (okay, how's that for descriptive. .someone said something. . . Let me elaborate a bit more, shall I?!)

I think it was at church at a baby dedication and the parents read "life verses" for their children. I loved the concept and started thinking and praying that God would show us a "life verse" to claim and teach little Reid. A few mornings ago, as I was singing through EVERY song I could think of I sang, "He has shown you, oh man, what is good and what the Lord requires of you, but to do justice, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God". . It's from Micah (not Palpant, although I see these traits in Micah Palpant. . but from the book in the bible Micah. . I'm a new mom, so I get a pass on quoting the exact location, for now, right?) Anyway, that was about the last song I knew the words to, and Reid was calm by then too. . so I picked up my "Daily Light" and daily collection of Scriptures. . . This was the first time I had read any thing from the bible to Reid (I figure reading anything to him is a good thing, I like to think that he is starting to enjoy the very hungry catapillar. . probably not as much as I love reading it to him, but that's an entirely different story. . back to reading the bible. . the Scripture to start the day. . Micah 6:8 (I picked up the Daily Light. . .so now I know the "call numbers", if you will)"

He has show you, O Man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. . .

I think I have MY life verse for little Reid. . I sing and pray it for him every day now, I can't really think of anything better, DO justly, LOVE mercy and WALK humbly with God. . .I bought two frames, one to put this verse in and the other to frame the most wonderful card that my dad and brother sent us from their trip back to Idaho after Reid's "debut". . The card said:

"The first time
his laughter unfurled
its wings in the wind,
we knew the world
would never be the same

Okay, that's the sappy mommy part. . I'll write about as a friend called them (and a BRILLIANT naming at that, "Pooptasterphies" tomorrow. . . or not!

Very Polite

According to Oprah, (and Oprah IS a reliable source) there are like five women in America who haven't read, "Eat, Pray, Love: One Women's search for everything across Italy, India and Indonesia" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I was one, so now, there are only four left. Anyway, I have to say, it's a great book, about a 30 something women's "life crisis". Liz (I can call her that, we're friends now, because I'm reading her book) spends a year traveling to learn about herself and capture the year in a wonderfully written memoir. (If you are one of the remaining four, it's a delightful book, she's a wonderful writer...)

But, I should back up, GUESS WHAT? I've discovered that I can read paperback novels and nurse at the same time. . It's wonderful. Prior to discovering my agility at balancing a bobby (a nursing must have, a half donut shaped pillow), baby (another MUST HAVE for nursing), nursing bra, (tricky little contraptions), burping cloth, AND paperback book, I had watched three entire seasons of "Project Runway" (Bravo did a weekend long marathon. . . any questions on fashion, I'm your gal!)and watched Paula Dean cook EVERYTHING imaginable in butter and bacon grease ("I just love the flavor of butter and bacon grease ya'll!) Reading is a much better way to go!

After all that, I'm FINALLY at my point. . .Liz befriend an Italian man who was her Italian language coach. Over some amazing dish of pasta, or pistachio gelato he said to her, "Liz, you must be very polite with yourself when you are learning something new.". . . My new mantra for this "new" something in my life. . . "Amy, you must be very polite with yourself when you are learning to. . get up every hour to nurse a hungry little boy, you must be very polite with yourself when you are being peed on, (and pooped on) by a little boy. . you must be very polite with yourself when you agree to let the ladies from church bring meals for a week or two. . . So many new things to learn. . basically everything in my life is being re-learned right now, how to take a shower, put on my make-up, go to the store, fix a sandwich, do the laundry and type this blog. For some reason those words just resonated with me. . so as I muddle through my days, learning everything new, I'm being polite to myself. . and I have to say, it's working out good so far.

Things that make me laugh. . .

Yesterday I was on the Amazon website looking at Children's books. The Amazon number one book for the year is: "Do unto Otters". It's a book that teaches kids manner, you know the golden rule (Do unto Otters, as you would have Otters do unto you.". . Anyway, I love to read the reviews on Amazon (really, it's a riot to read what people write. . . like this review I found on "Do unto Otters' . . . So this is what someone wrote. . . .

. . . . "What I Dislike: Personally, I don't like the illustrations. The characters remind me of Ren & Stimpy, but my kids like it. Also, there are two things that more conservative Christians might find offensive. First, on the page about "when to say 'Excuse me.'", two characters pass gas. (Both do say "Excuse me!") Second, when Mr. Rabbit and one of the Otters share books, one of the titles is "Harry Otter." The cover illustration is a clear reference to Harry Potter. Considering the target age group, I don't think these minor details detract from the value of the book. . . . "

Are you kidding me? Passing Gas is offensive to conservative Christians? Whatever.

On the Reid front, all is well. He is passed the 10 pound mark. . .still amazing to me that we have such a big guy. We have officially outgrown the "newborn" outfits that we had. We're solidly onto the 0-3 months, and he's such a LONG guy. . who knows how long those will last. . he's long and lean. . . so who knows what he'll end up wearing. He's not too picky, as long as he is warm and dry.

We love the hair dryer, it's like the magic, "stop crying button.". . . it's so crazy, but when he's really fussy and can't seem to calm himself down, and we know he is dry and not hungry and burped. . . we turn on the hair dryer, and in under 30 seconds we can go from CRYING baby to comatose baby. . he gets all calm and starts to stare, eventually he'll even fall asleep to the hum of the hair dry. . the vacum works for this too. Who knew?!

One Hour?

Last time I checked, one hour was sixty minutes. . I think it's sort of a universal thing. I've noticed something though, with a baby, one hour can be the LONGEST segment of time or the shortest, but it's rarely only 60 minutes.

Take sleep, lately I've been averaging one hour of sleep, every other hour for four or five hours every night. It's the CRAZIEST thing, I can sleep for one hour, sixty minutes, and when a squeaky little baby wakes me up (he doesn't really cry, he just starts "talking") I'm always SHOCKED, truly blown away that it's only been an hour since I laid him (and me) down. I think that God truly does provide a special dispensation for nursing mom's, because it truly can be a restful one hour of sleep.

Reid thinks he needs to eat every two hours, the pediatrician encouraged me that big boys like Reid (who has already gained back, and then some of his birth weight, PLUS grown 3/4 of an inch!) should eat every three hours, I'll produce more milk, it will grow his tummy and he may even sleep longer than two hours during the night! ONE hour, sixty minutes, when you are trying to entertain a crying (sometime screaming baby) that's the LONGEST hour in the world. (We've never made it a full hour before I feed him, I just can't bear it!)(Although as I write this post, we are speeding towards the three hour mark, and after a bit of fussing, he's happily asleep in the baby bjorn on my chest. (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the Baby Bjorn, a bonus for a big baby is they fit in the Baby Bjorn from the very start. . and he LOVES it too!)

ANOTHER "LIFE" LESSON FROM REID:

Reid LOVES to eat, sometimes he gets so excited to eat that he starts sucking like there is no tomorrow on his little fist, on on my knuckle. The thing is, the "good stuff" can be just inches from his face, and he still would rather try and get milk from his fist, or my knuckle. . sometimes it takes a whole lot of effort to get him to raise his eyes a half an inch or less for the stuff that will REALLY satisfy him. I can't help but think about how often God might be offering me the "Good Stuff" and my eyes are so focused on something that will NEVER satisfy, and God is saying (just like I say to Reid), "look up. . just stop this madness and look up, I've got the best for you RIGHT here!"

16 more minutes and we'll have made it THREE hours!!

Pants.

Reid's been home for one week! It's crazy how fast time is going. Each day is getting easier as we learn his routines and he learns ours. We are figuring out how to get him to sleep without being held (I never thought about teaching a baby that! I thought they knew how to sleep in a crib. Our guy sure doesn't, he's happier snuggled in our arms. . but it's really hard to get any good rest that way. . . as precious as it is!)

We've had lots of fun with him. The peeing on the wall and projectile poop when his diaper comes off. . . all that fun stuff!


My mom's favorite story so far is this. . if you come to visit. . she'll probably tell you about this. . (And she wasn't even there to see it!)

Two nights ago Reid and I were enjoying the a "wake" time at about 3:00. I took him downstairs to sit in a bouncy chair that he loves so I could make some tea and even read a few pages of my book. (Three Cups of Tea-I highly recommend it!)

A few notes to help set the stage for this story. My recovery has been really, REALLY smooth. I am a huge believer in lots of walking, water and as much rest as possible. . really I think all the walking I did during the pregnancy has had a direct corraltion to my speedy recovery. The changes in my body are noticable daily. During the labor and delivery I was pumped FULL of IV's which took a few days to get out of my system. . .lets just say that for a week or so my ankles were a dim and distant memory as I experimented with as Todd said "Club feet". . So a couple of days ago I put on the same outfit I came home from the hospital in (which by the way I could BARELY get on at the hospital because my thighs were so HUGE. . NO FUN) and to my GREAT delight it was quite loose. . . . . So loose that in the middle of the night as I leaned over to put Reid into his bouncy chair. . my pants FELL OFF! Yep, there I stood at 3:00 in the living room with my drawers around my ankles! I was SO glad it was in the middle of the night with the whole family happily dreaming away!

We'll try and be better about keeping this blog updated and I'm going to learn how to post pictures. . and you won't want to miss any Reid pictures, he's just so CUTE!

30 Days

Reid Jackson is due in one month from today. I had a "Talk" with him this morning, I explained to him that he needed to start thinking about "moving", that he can't stay where he is forever, and well basically "You've got 30 days and then you need to come play with us." I figure it's standard to give "tenants" 30 days notice when they need to move out. . so same for Reid. . . "30 days left". :)"Don't get to comfortable kid"

Pillowcases, Dog Treats & Strangers

It finally happened, I'd heard stories about it, I'd read about, people have asked me about it, and last night it finally happened. Todd and I had made a quick stop at target to get a new pair of pillow cases (to match the sheets I'd bought that didn't come with the pillow cases), and a dog treat for Denali (as long as we were there. . ) We were walking up to the counter when about of now where this lady stopped mid-stride, grabbed Todd's arm, moved around him and stood in my face, "How far along are you?" It all happened so fast, I wasn't sure exactly what was happening, I thought Todd has tripped the nice lady or something. . "Umm. . . I'm about 7 months. . . " "Oh, and you are having a boy aren't you, I can tell by the way you are carring him." "Yes, yes we are having a boy" (my mind is still trying frantically to figure out who this person is, what sort of conversation we are having. . "Do you mind, can I touch your belly". . "Um. . sure. . " and she starts rubbing my belly. . "where's he at, where's the boy. . so sweet". . (You should know, she was an older African American Lady and we were standing between the cleaning supplies and greeting cards in Target (so you have the full picture) She stopped rubbing my belly, Said with a large smile "Thanks so much, I can't believe I just did that" and set off laughing down the aisle. Todd was in minor shock, "What was that, did that just happen?" and I was saying "I've heard that that happens, but It's never happened to me. . . "

In other Reid news. . .

At the last mid-wife appointment he was head down. . which is a good thing, he moved head down a bit earlier than normal, but that's a good thing, we hope he stays that way. He's quite a mover and a shaker. We got his crib and changing table/dresser this week, his room is painted and the furniture is together. . . so I guess we're really having a baby! His room is dark blue (sort of a darkish wedgewoody type blue. . for those who know their blues) on two walls and the other two walls are a light, light, light blue. . it's a really nice contrast. . (I think).

We're taking our Hypnobirthing classes. . we have a nice lady who comes to our house every other week or so. . . So we're learning how to deeply relax. I have to say, I think it's working. I have a CD which is on my IPOD and when I can't fall asleep at night I just pop in my Ipod with my relaxation cues. . and I'm always out like a light before the CD is finished (and it's only 18 minutes). The idea is the more you can relax during labor and "turn labor over to my baby and my body". . the easier time I'll have. (I hope it works!)

Becoming a "Dog Person"

Through my 20's, if you asked, I'd say, "I'm not really an animal person". Then I married Todd and Denali (A Brittany Spaniel) was part of the deal. I made my peace with Denali while we were dating (I had too, I found out later that my getting along, or NOT getting along with Denali was a "deal breaker" for Todd. . what stakes!) Over night I found myself living with a dog. Now, I can't imagine my life without Denali. There is just something about a dog.

Early on in our marriage I started taking Denali for walks, it was an uneasy partnership, because that dog LOVES to walk, really, she'd rather run, and despite what Todd says, she's REALLY bad on a leash. (Really, just picture Denali walking me, and you've got the picture)The thing is, I can hardly tell her "no" any more when it comes to walking. She gives me about an hour after we wake up, then she looks up at me, and walks around me, and then when I start to go upstairs she RUNS up the stairs, stops on the landing, gets down on her front to legs, pats the ground, wags her tail and begs me with her eyes. . . "Walk, Walk, Walk" On the mornings when I can't go for a walk with her, I feel bad, and the morning I don't feel like going for a walk. . I do, because I just don't want to disappoint her. When I don't walk with her, I feel like I've dissappointed her, and she mops around for a little bit. . it's just horrible.

It's from these walks that slowly she's become "my dog". She follows me everywhere I go, if I'm typing on the computer, she's asleep at my feet, if I walk into the bedroom to get something, she's there, if I go downstairs she follows. . . she's always right beside me. . just watching me with adoring eyes. She watches when I make the bed, when I cook, when I talk on the phone, she LOVES to get the mail in the late afternoon, and when I go to bed, she's right behind. Todd has started to get a little jealous, she use to follow him everywhere. . he's been replaced, and he's not so sure how he feels about that. . . She still loves him and all, but I walk her, I give her cold water (She prefers her water with a few ice cubes. . )I'm home with her and sometimes I give her treats (who am I kidding, I give her treats almost every time I leave the house)

There is something so peaceful about having a dog around. She's totally quiet, but so attentive and alert to all that is happening, her needs are few: food, water a walk and an occasional belly rub. Sometimes she'll be laying or sitting at the sliding glass door with her nose pressed up to the window just watching the world. . what a picture of peace. . She can sit still just watching outside for hours. . I wish I could sit with such calmness and peace. And she loves us so unconditionally, I can leave her outside all day in the heat while I'm gone, (That can't be fun can it?) and still, when I get home she dances around and greets me like I'm her favorite being in the whole world.

Yep. . I'm a dog person.

Gone, but not forgotten. . .

Several weeks ago the retired superintendent of the school district that I grew up in. (Camas County School District 121)wrote a letter to the editor in our small town paper. (The Camas Courier)my parents called me right away, read me the letter and said, "You have to write and keep this going a while longer." (Apparently the letters to the editor in Camas County were getting entirely too serious. . (County Planning & Zoning Issues. .and, you know how THOSE discussion go!)

Mr. Stroud, if statistics are correct, feels he has got about four more years of life left. (Mind you he's healthy)and he has a few unanswered questions in life, one being, "Who stole the KING Size Snickers Candy bars?" Mr. Stroud kept candy bars in his office and handed them out to students who were doing good things "or just hungry". This particular theft of interest happened while I was a freshman in high school. (It WAS NOT ME, and I really have NO idea who did it, although I have a good guess, it has to be a senior. . I'm not about to name names, but I'd put my money of J.R. or J.D., not C.W. because I sat next to him in Spanish class forth period, when the "crime" in question happened). . you know how squirley the boys were in the class of 1990. . .) So I wrote an anonymous letter to the editor of the Camas Courier giving some clues, or "educated deductions" based on my experience in the school. I gave enough hints about my identity that pretty much anyone who knows me, or knew me back then, could figure out who was writing, but I figured it all adds to the fun.

My identity is no longer a secret, apparently a letter to the editor in the Camas County Courier (published today) began. . Dear Amy, Nice try, no Snickers for you. . ." (in essence)

It sort of cracks me up, that fifteen years after I graduated from high school, nine years after I moved away. . I can still engage in the small town banter. It's sort of comforting to have roots in a place where the Superintendent of schools writes open letters to the editor, about events that happened eighteen years ago. Time moves at a different pace in small towns, and I'm thrilled to have roots in a place where time stands still.

As for the Senior Senator from Idaho. . that's an entirely different story. I woke up this morning to Senator Craig's voice on my So. Cal radio station. . . that's a trippy feeling. . .

A Thousand Splendid Suns. .

Last night I finished "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini, the same author of The Kite Runner. I love a book that engages me, challenges me, and moves me. It was the kind of book that I found myself praying for the characters. . . I KNOW the characters are fiction, yet the story is a story that I'm sure, while the details may be different, IS the story of women throughout Afghanistan.
Afghanistan, Iran, Pakistan that entire part of the world is so far removed from anything I understand or have experienced. I feel like through this one book of fiction, and my NEXT book "Kabul Beauty School" help open just a sliver of a mysterious, somewhat scary, very foreign world.
A Thousand Splendid Suns was the story of two Afghan women, one of them two years younger than I am. . it traces her life in Kabul growing up, as a teenager, through civil war, the Taliban. . While a fictional story, it's based in historical fact (She and her husband watch 9/11 happen on television, just like I did)I finished the book so THANKFUL for my life, for the country in which I live, for the freedom I have as a woman, for my education, for my husband, for safety and security. . .
If you have a chance, or want to borrow my copy, read A Thousand Splendid Suns. . . and today my prayers are with the women, the young girls, wives and mothers of Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Iraq. . .While I know NO faces, I've shared no meals or experiences, I LOVE the fact that God is answering my prayers, that he knows what women I pray for, which women need the grace of God (or Allah) to fall on them today.

Who needs Beckham. . .

. .when you've got a little guy playing soccer in your belly? Reid seems to be in CONSTANT motion, I fear my hands will be full when he's 2,3,4,5,-16. . . It's so wierd to feel him moving ALL THE TIME. . . the other night I woke up, and I'm pretty sure he was exploring his bounderies by pushing his hands and feet at the same time. A friend was asking me what it felt like, she said, "Is it like you've eaten a small animal." It's more like I've swallowed a small animal whole, and it's really letting me know it's there!

Movement is good. . . and they tell me he'll start to move less, but more forcefull as he grows and gets stronger, and his space to move gets more and more cramped.

Hobbies. . .

Forgive any typo's first of all. . . I had some friends over for dinner last night, and in my zeal of cutting green onions for my Mango, Shrimp, Avacado Salad, I did a NUMBER on my Left pointer finger. . . (IE: I SLICED my finger.) All is okay. . actually turns out it's not a bad way to get guests involved in last minute meal preparation. . . someone accused me of planning the whole thing to get out of the last minute details. . . (I could find better ways to get out of work, and besides I really don't MIND doing all that stuff. . . ) Anyway. . finger will heal, Salad turned out better for all the creative genuis and chef'ing skills of my friends. . . and Spring Rolls are always a winner with guests. . .

A couple of weeks ago I had a mini-identiy crisis. . . I realized that I don't have any "hobbies" (ie: crafts). I don't scrapbook, or stamp, or make cards, or quilt, or cross-stich, collect stamps or laundry lint. NOTHING! What kind of childhood will Reid have without a mother who scapbooks? After a bit of panic and a trip to the bookstore craft magazine section to review ALL the craft magazines to see what my "craft" could be I had an epiphany. There is so much creativity in the world, and I'm sure I could find something wonderful to do, but I have a hobby. . it's not so crafty, but it's a hobby and I'm totally going to own it.

MY Hobby. . .what I do. . . I READ. I'm a book worm. I read books. . .I collect information, quotes, thoughts and that's my "gift" to people. So Reid might not have every month of his life documented with pretty pictures and cool pages (I really appreciate people who can DO that), However, Reid will have a mommy who reads. . . In the past month I've read. .

Becoming Madam Mao (about the rise of Mao Xiadong's wife in China),

The Last Chinese Chef (about the unique culinary culture that IS China),

Peony in Love (about a 16th century 'maidien in China and a famous (real) Chinese Opera which was the first time in history that women's writings were published and women become acknowledged as having intellectual capabilities),

Walking on Water (on Faith and Art by L'engle) about the connection between "secular and sacred in the "creative relm"),

Gifts from the Sea by Ann Morrow Lindberg (about the seasons of a womens life. . so great!).

The Distant Land of My Father (a fictional story about a girl who was born in China and grew up in So. Cal-wonderful story),

Empire Falls (a Pultize Prize winning book about a small town in Maine, GREAT character development, my favorite character was the senile old catholic priest who called everyone "Pecker head").

I realized in my search for a craft that I would be 'crafting' because it was what I was suppose to do, not because it was a natural 'outflow" of WHO I am. To be true to Amy, I needed to think about WHO I am. . and i realized that I am a reader. I read quickly (more quickly than most, I admit,) I LOVE to be transported to a different culture (looks like China's on the brain these days for some reason!), I love to explore new ideas and learn and be challenged by other people's best thinking on ANYTHING. I have lots of people in my life, who HUMOR me wonderfully by listening my my lastest learning, book report or 'deep thought'. . I think that Reid will benefit from that too. . .(I hope so! I can't wait to read to Reid (what a perfect name for my little boy!!! REID. . get it! :) (add that to the fact that the birthing center we are going to use is ABOVE a Barnes & Nobel!!!! Oh my!

Currently on my reading list:
* Animal, Vegetable, Mineral: A year in food life: about a family who vows to live only on what they can grow or buy locally for one year. FACINATING. . Although I have to be careful about reading these type of books. . . I tend to get swept away by the 'social justice' under-pinnings, and my innocent belieft that what one or two people really do make a difference. . . I fear I'll soon find myself contemplating how to plant a garden in my back yard. . .

* Land of a Thousand Suns, by the same author of the Kite Runner. . . suppose to be a fabulous book.

* Secrets in the Dark, a Life in Sermons by Fredrick Buechner, a pastor who is one of the BEST writers. . I love his stuff.

In "owning" my hobby I learned how to order books from my local library. . often times the books I want to read I can't find in my local library. . . Now I have ALL of San Bernadino County at my disposal. . . I just open my library account, put my books on hold, wait for a call from the library, and all the lastest books I want to read show up at the library. . I LOVE it when my tax dollars work so well!

Any good books I should read??

I never thought of it THAT way before. . .

I'm back in my "Oswald" phase. Oswald Chambers that is. He was a Christian Preacher in the late 1800's in England. His wife recorded all of his sermons (in short-hand), and after his death they were turned into a daily reading called "My Utmost for His Highest." My "utmost" has been a faithful friend for close to ten year. Carrie introduced me to Oswald in China. . and as soon as I got back, I got my own.
June 30th. . really got me thinking. . . What do you think about the first few lines of June 30th. . "Disillusionment means having no more misconception, false impressions, and false judgements in life; it mean being free from these deceptions. However, though no longer deceived, our experience of disillusionment may actually leave us cynical and overly critical in our judgement of others. . "

We seem to talk about Disillusionment as a "bad" thing. And all of a sudden last Monday I saw it as something totally different, as a GOOD thing. Something that is difficult, and not easy, but necessary none-the-less. WOW!

Get this, he goes on to say, "Many of the things in life that inflict the greatest injury, grief, or pain stem from the fact that we suffer from illusions." (What are your illusions? That's something to think on!)
"We are not true to one another as facts, seeing each other as we really are; we are only true to our misconceived ideas of one another."
Whoa. . . think on that for a while. . . I hope it disturbs you as much as it's disturbed me (and not in a bad way, but in challenging myself to BE Disillusioned. .

(If you have a "My Utmost for His Highest Laying around. . check out the entire text on June 30th) Powerful stuff!

Mint Green. . Part 2

A while back I wrote about our efforts to be "mint green". Changing light bulbs, using re-useable bags at the story (TRY IT, YOU'LL LOVE IT!), using our own coffee mugs at coffee stops, recycling more, trying to buy more local produce etc. (produce from the farmers market really does last longer. . . and taste better) ANYWAY. . I discovered something quite cool today. . I was paying our electric bill today, and we cut our electric usage last month by 55-60% from last year. . . which translate to a bill this month which was less than HALF of what we paid last year at the same time. . . This we attribute to replacing several older appliances with Energy Star appliances (most new appliance are), particularly a 25-30 year old refrigerator. (and I have to believe that all the light-bulbs we've replaced are helping too. We also unplug many appliances when we aren't using them. . like cell phone chargers, coffee pot, toaster. . . really the only thing I leave plugged in are the appliances (stove, washing machine etc.), TV (so TIVO works), and computers. . .I think the little things really do add up.

I'm starting my research on cloth diapers. . . the amount of waste that one little guy puts into the land-fills through diapers. . . amazing. . . plus the fact that it takes up to 500 years for diapers to decompose. . . Any tips on cloth diapers??

Really, it's been FUN to see the little steps we can make that directly (like the electric bill) or indirectly like the number of plastic bags we've saved for someone else to use because of our reuse able bags. . . make some sort of small difference in the world. . . so change your light bulbs. . or get one cloth bag. . . it's really fun to see what you can do!

Some Thoughts I like. .

I have LONG been a collector of word (word groups, really, quotes shall we say?) that inspire.. Here are some I like. . .


"We have been called to be fruitful--not successful, not productive, not accomplished. Success comes from strength, stress and human effort. Fruitfulness comes from vulnerability and the admission of our own weakness." (Henri Nouwen)

"Each time a person stands up for an ideal or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, she sends for a tiny ripple of hope." Robert F. Kennedy

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they are capable of being" Goethe

"We cannot do everything and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and to do the rest." Archbishop Oscar Romero

"If you are not a part of the problem, you can't be part of the solution, if we cannot see how what we are doing, or not doing is contributing to the things being the way they are then logically we have no basis at all, zero leverage, for changing the way things are, except from the outside, by persuasion or force. . if we want to help we must first understand and acknowledge our role-by commission or omission in creating the situation." Kahane

With or To?

Somewhere along the line I heard something about how we interact with people. . . To, With, For or Ignore. We do things TO people, we do things WITH people, we do things FOR people, or we IGNORE. It's always stuck with me as a good model to think about when interacting with people, groups etc. There is probably a time and a place for everything, but WITH is a good model to strive for. (At least I think)

I had my first midwife appointment today, and it drove home WITH instead of TO or FOR like nothing else. I'm so excited about this journey of growing a baby (Reid) and bringing him into the world WITH a midwife.

So I got to my appointment, sat down for like 3 minutes before they were "ready to see me".. . She took me to the bathroom the first step in every prenatal appointment and gave me a cup to pee in . . but here's where it got interesting (and I knew that I had some to the right place. Which I guess proves that I am indeed some sort of a freak) When I had collected my sample, she said, "Let me show you what you need to do every time you come. Take one of these strips, dip it in your cup, wait a minute and compare these three color squares with the color squares on the guide, and when you have done your urine dip, tell me what the numbers were. And here's the scale, you need to weight yourself each time you come in." She told me what each color meant, why they might be different colors, what was a concern and what this test was monitoring and why it's important. So suddenly instead of them doing it FOR me. . I'm partnering WITH them to collect information about my body and this pregnancy!
Then they gave me a binder with information on what each appointment would entail, what information was collected, why, a chart for me to keep track of my weight, urine samples, stomach size etc.

Midwife means, "With Women". . . and I totally get it now, nothing was done TO me, everything was done WITH me. Even measuring my stomach, she told me what she was measuring, had me feel the top of my uterus (which I could never find on my own), showed me the tape measure and said, "You are 22.5, the right size for this stage." (I'm going to record that in my handy, dandy chart!)

This is what I've been looking for from the day I found out I was expecting. I think back to my first doctor's appointment when I went to my regular doctor and all she said was, 'Why do you think you are pregnant." I told her and she said, "Well you are, here's a list of OB/GYN's. . good luck." And then I called an OB/GYN and they said, "What makes you think you are pregnant. You are. Call back in 4 -6 weeks to schedule your first appointment, we don't see Mother's before that time." I wanted someone to sit down with me and say, "Yes, we know you are pregnant because. . and this is what is happening in your body, and this is what you should be doing."
The midwive gave me several assignments, to keep a food dairy for a week so they can monitor my diet. They gave me a list of nutrient requirements I need to meet on a daily basis to keep me healthy and Reid healthy too. Gave me some tips about things that if I do now, will help me to deliver better latter.
SO great.

WITH not TO it's so much more empowering!

New Age. . Kooky Chick. . .

. . or so Todd claims. If there was one thing that I really learned and internalized during my year in China it was that, the way things are done here (in the US) isn't the only way to do things, and sometimes, other ways are better. SO, it's worth understanding how and why we do things they way we do. I was probably more open to learning this lesson because as a child my parents did a pretty good job of teaching my brother and I (see what you think about this Will) HOW to make decisions, not WHAT decisions to make. SERIOUSLY, we had dinner time conversations about decision making "Eating Problems for Breakfast" by Tim Hansel etc.
So when it comes to having a baby, I've been more prone than (in Todd's words) "the average chick" to explore the options, learn about alternatives. . and ultimately embrace an "alternative view" of birthing.(In the US anyway)
We're going to have a baby in a birthing center, attended by mid-wives! It's really not that crazy (I don't think.) The US rates 42nd in the world when it comes to Mother and infant care surrounding birth, which means that there are 42 countries in the world that DO IT BETTER than the US. These are a lot of European countries (and others) which rely on more "traditional" views of birth, such as birthing is a natural process, which a woman's body was designed to do (The Human Race existed and thrived before the advent of modern medicine) Many countries in Europe use Mid-wives commonly as a first line with OB/GYN as back-up for the RARE true medical emergency. The World Health Organization recommends that mid-wives for "normal" pregnancies be utilized by mamas-to-be in the US (and the world). For me, and my journey towards this decision what became important was the quality of care and quality of relationship between the "Medical Model of Birth" and the "Midwifery Model of Birth". I am a HIGHLY relational person, relationship matter, (growing up in Fairfield I NEVER knew my bank account number, because the ladies at the bank hand my account number memorized. . . relationship) OB/GYN's allocate about 7-10 minutes per appointment with a patient. They arrive in time to catch the baby, the labor process is monitored by which-ever nurses happen to be on shift (and changing shifts) during the laboring process. (There is MUCH research that indicates that during labor and birthing, women progress better, faster, smoother when "safely" surrounded by people they know and trust, in gentle (lower lit rooms) etc. environments) In the Midwife Model of Care a Mid-wife will allocate 30-90 minutes per appointment with the mother, and be with the mother THROUGH the entire laboring process. (Most OB/GYN as part of their medical training are NOT required to sit and observe a full Labor and Delivery. . hence they don't always know what is normal, what is not, etc.) While a midwife spends her careers observing women laboring.
So, I had my last Doctor's appointment this week, and will start seeing my midwives next week. (My Doctor was great about my decision, he said, "that's a perfectly reasonable decision, and if you need anything or develop difficults please come back.")
This decision is a decision for a completely NATURAL birth. . there won't be an options for drugs, we'll rely on the wisdom of my body (which I truly believe knows what to do) and the experience and expertise of the midwives who have been doing this for years.
The birth center is 8 minutes from a hospital and operating room, in the HIGHLY unlikely case that something goes wrong we are in essences no farther from medical help than we would be if we labored in the hospital. (Even in a hospital when something happens, it take 10-20 minutes to prepare an operating room) Our midwives would be in contact with the hospital from the minute the decision is made to transport, so basically no time is lost.
I could go ON and ON about all that I've learned from this journey. Todd has been wonderful to support me. . this is so far outside of his world view, but he is willing to support this decision, is starting to understand why, and I've heard from many people that daddy's become the biggest advocates of all for midwifery care when they experience the birth (and even catching their babies).
So, that's my story.
When I ran the LA Marathon I remember someone saying, the two most physically difficult things a women can do are run a marathon and give birth. I've done one, now it's time to apply the marathon lessons that I learned to birthing, (which God MADE women to do) (I'm not so sure He really made us to run 26.2 miles)

Careful what you ask for. .

I've been on this reading binge lately about the Mormon Faith. Idaho is second only to Utah in the number of Mormons. . . I have a strong momorn heritage myself (My dad's mother came from a staunch LDS background, that goes back generations, for sure some of the early pioneers who came to Utah with Bringam Young, maybe even those who went to Missiouri and Illinois with Joesph Smith. . . so it's an honest curosity.

My two "informing reads" have been, "Under the Banner of Heaven" by John Krakauer and "Leaving the Saints" by Martha Beck. Both books present different stories, but much of the same "facts" regarding the Joseph Smith etc. Basically, lets just say there is a whole lot that doesn't really add up. The Chuch can add it up just fine, but those outside that church haven't been able to find the same proof. Last week, when I finished Leaving the Saints and was processing and thinking about all that she'd written, and comparing it with Krakauer's book . . my prayer was, "Lord if the Mormon's ever come to my house,(and I kind of hope they will now) help me ask the right probing questions."

Mind you, I've NEVER had Mormon Missionaries come to my house . . Until today.

Usually I don't answer the door. . I keep saying that, and I keep coming up with stories about answering the door. . . but whatever. . . I was quite suprised to find two young boys (19 years old) in black pants and crisp white shirts standing at my door. My first thought was, "Ah, Man, get rid of them quick, no need to waste their time". . quickly followed by. . . "How ironic. . I've just finished my "moming reading binge" and these two boys show up on my steps. . ." So with a quick, "Help me Lord" prayer, I smiled, opened my door and said, "Can I get you two some water, it's an awfully hot day."

In my reading I learned that a Mormon Mission is successful if they can get one or two converts during their two years out. It's really more about solidifying their own faith. Which I totally get from my year abroad. . that's what living in China did for me. So my cleverly crafted plan last week, while reading these books, and thinking about what I WOULD do IF a missionary came to my house was to ask at least one pointed question that would maybe, on some deep level cause them to think. So after chit chat about the fact that I was from Idaho, and NOT mormon, that I did have mormon heritage etc. I said, "So, I'm curious about the Pearl of Great Price (one of four sacred books on the faith), I understand that Joseph Smith translated that from a Papyra that he bought, that at the time no one in the world could translate, which Joseph Smith DID translate, but now they have learned to translate and basically NOTHING Joseph Smith wrote has proven to be accurate. Is that true?" They told me, as best I could understand, because quite honestly, I got a little lost with their answer. That it was right, because Joseph Smith had a REVELATION, so Revelation and prophets trumps translation. . . again, they lost me on their answer. I did press them a bit, and one said, "well, I haven't heard that.". . .My prayer, is that even a fraction of a seed of thought is lodged in their minds. . because it can't just be some freaky coincidence that the week after I pray that a Mormon Missionary will come to my door. .. they did.

Eyes in Front

Today Todd and I took seperate cars to our ultra-sound to see Reid Jackson. We braved LA Morning Rush Hour traffic (a 35 minute drive becomes 75 minutes. . CRAZY). I was in the lane of traffic right next to Todd. At one point my lane started moving faster than his, only to stop, but I ended up right next to him, try as I might to catch his eye for the 15 seconds our cars were next to each other, his eyes were glued to the road ahead. It struck me that was a real metephor for how we (or maybe better stated I) live my life. I live my life with my eyes straight ahead. The only reason I happened to notice Todd right next to me this morning, is that I knew to look for him, but I didn't see any of the drivers on my left side. I thought about how many times in the just the past week I've not really even seen people who were "on the side". When the BSU Football player came to my house, I didn't even really SEE the other guy. I thought about that later and felt bad, I'd given preferential treatment to the football player, not seeing the other guy, who has as much value and his story is probably just as interesting as the BSU Football player, but I missed out because I had my eyes straight ahead.
Todd and I went to a birthing information class on Monday. I talked to several of the women who were my age. . but the lady who was there by herself, the one who said, 'I wasn't suppose to be able to get pregnant, but here I am". . . For some reason I didn't really see her I realized after we'd left.
Living (and driving) in a fast paced place like LA survival demands that we DO keep our eyes straight ahead on the road in front. Our rules of the road demand that we stay in our lanes and the other guy stays in his lane. Those are the rules of the road here, but let me tell you in China, Vietnam and Kenya, countries I've been blessed to ride on roads in. . keeping your eyes to the road ahead is just half of your job, you've also got to see what's happening on your left and your right. I appreciate our rules of the road, driving in the US (even in LA) is much less chaotic, but I guess the challenge is not to let the rules of the road become the standard for how I live my life. I want to do better about seeing those who are on the left and the right of me (Literally and figuratively), I can't let the rules of the road become the rules of engagement in my life.

Todd and I got to our appointment a bit early and walked to the Starbucks down the street so Todd could have his second caffine fix of the morning. I was putting my wallet back in my purse when I realized I hadn't really even SEEN the lady who had taken my order, brought Todd's coffe and given my my change, I stopped, looked her in the eye and said, "Thank you so much, have a good day." Seeing, no matter who or what direction requires my full attention. . .

And it's a. . . ..

Boy. Reid Jackson Hoppock.

Waffles

I'm sort of a breakfast snob. It's all my mom's fault. She raised us on Sour Dough Pancakes, thin, light with just a hint of the sour dough tang, with huckleberries. None of that Bisquick three inch thick, "cake" type pancake for me. Sour Dough all the way. I didn't know there were any other kind of pancakes until I left home and ventured into the world on my own.
Waffles, let's talk about waffles. Light, crispy waffles, smeared with butter and syrup. . Light being the key word, Mom's waffles were always made with beaten egg whites, which produce a delightful lightness and added crispness. . again none of this "just add water" stuff for me and certainly NO freezer waffles.

The thing is, making yummy pancakes and waffles takes time and organization. . . and planning ahead. Last week in the LA Times Food section there was a whole article on "Sunday Morning Waffles". . my mouth was watering as I read about the Joy of Cooking 1957 edition Sour Cream Waffles and the Fannie Farmer Yeast Waffle recipe. . I was so relieved to find at the end of the article the recipes for both. Saturday night I pulled out my waffle making bowl (I have one thanks to Gina, It's a butter yellow mixing bowl with a handle it's a great bowl, but given to me specifically to make waffles with!) and mixed up the Yeast-Raised Waffle batter. I might have found my new favorite waffle recipe. . you mix up everything, let it sit overnight, wake up Sunday, plug in the waffle makers and light, crispy, slightly sour doughesque waffles are steaming on the plate in no time.

Try your own waffles:

1 Package active dry yeast
2 Cups Milk
1/2 Cup (1 Stick) butter, melted
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar
2 Cups flour
2 Eggs
1/4 teaspoon baking soda

Place one-half cup warm water in a large mixing bowl (the batter will double in volume), and sprinkle in the yeast. When dissolved, stir in the milk, butter, salt, sugar, flour and eggs and beat until smooth and blended. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight (HOW EASY IS THAT?)

Just before cooking the waffles, beat in the baking soda. The batter will deflate and become about as thin as soft yogurt. Cook the waffles according to the manufacturers' instructions in your waffle maker.

(In the article they suggested cooking any leftover waffles slightly less that "done", these you can put in the freezer and warm up later. To warm them up, I have found the best thing is to warm them up slightly, in the microwave or toaster oven, THEN toast! Yummy, Crispy waffles (so much better than the boxed stuff!)

Such joy and delight in yummy, home cooked food. . and I've got to get on this since I'm having a baby soon so I can create memories of great breakfasts like my mom did for us!

The Doorbell

If you are coming to visit me, it's best to call and let me know you are coming, because I might not answer the doorbell. It's just that 99.9% of the time it's someone trying to sell something, and well, we all know how that goes.

Last night Todd wasn't home from work yet and the doorbell rang, with nothing better to do, I answered the door. It was two college age boys that were "interning" at a security company. Had I ever considered my very own alarm system? As politely as I could, while holding Denali back from running out the door I said, No, but thank you.

One of the boys said, "I noticed you have an Idaho Licence Plate in your garage."

With ALL my Idaho pride, "I was born and raised in Idaho." I said with a smile.

"I go to Boise State."

We were friends instantly at that point. "Really that's great" and before I could stop myself out came, "Wasn't that the most amazing football game ever on New Years? I don't even like football and I LOVED that game. . " (Gushing)

He looks at me with a slight smile, "I'm on the football team, do you want to see my Fiesta Bowl Championship Ring?" He holds out his hand to show me the HUGEST ring I've ever seen. . sure enough, there it was. . . a Boise State Football Player, who played in arguably the best college football game EVER was standing on my doorstep in Chino Hills, California! (And I don't even like football!) He took off the ring and let me HOLD it! I told him how proud Idaho (and displaced Idahoans everywhere) where proud of their Boise State team. I thought about telling him how my brother an avid Boise State non-fan even cheered them on, about Shirley who took a Boise State Fan plane to the game. . . but I decided he probably got the picture. . . No alarm system for him to sell, but he'd stumbled onto and awe-struck fan none-the-less. (which in the end probably mattered to him more than selling an alarm system)

I JUST LOVE random stories. . .I was delighted to know that I didn't have to even leave my house. . it just came and rang my doorbell!

Meditations on a Spring Roll

Yesterday Todd and I were having a friend over for dinner. THAT is always a good excuse to try a new recipe. (okay, it always sounds like that to me all the way up until I'm getting ready to serve something new. THEN I think to myself, "WHAT were you thinking?) Apparently I never learn. . .

Okay, let's get a few things straight from the start.
1) I would LOVE to be one of those people who plans ahead. I PLAN to plan ahead, but the fact is, I don't really have that whole concept down too well. . . so as much as I plan NOT to be figuring out what I'm going to be cooking on the morning I'm cooking. . . It's just not how I work. (This applies to almost everything else in my life too. . . )

well, that's the main thing we need to have straighten out.

So, Monday morning I sit down in front of my favorite website. .www.foodtv.com and set out searching so something fun, something summery, something "light". . .I immediately find a Chicken Satay Recipe that's got 5 Stars. . and looks easy enough. What's great about FoodTV is all the recipes are from shows, that have good complimentary dishes. . so the complimentary dish was "Summer Rolls with Sweet Chili Dipping Sauce" . . I love a good Spring Roll (or summer roll). I've never made Spring Rolls before. . . eh, Why Not? So after a morning of working, and lunch with a friend I head to the grocery store with my list in hand. . .I got the bean sprouts, the beet, the carrots, sesame oil, only the Rice Flour wrappers weren't at this grocery. .. not to fear, there is another grocery on the way home.. . not there. . .Let's just make a LONG story short. .. SIX grocery stores later I finally found the wrapper. . . I was determined to make my spring rolls, (to say the least)
I had all the ingredients, and it was 4:30 by the time I finally found them. . I didn't have time to think of something else. . .Again, the advantages of planning ahead could be argued at this point.

It's so much fun to make a good meal. . to mix a cup of yogurt and curry together with thinly cut slices of chicken, and set to marinating with the knowledge of flavors seeping into the meat over the next few hours.

To julienne a beet into thin little slices. . . . Beets are not my favorite veggie, but they are beautiful! Not much to look at from the outside, just a lump of purplish something. . but as soon as I started peeling, to uncover the BRIGHT purple/fuchsia underneath with views of darker and lighter coloring running through. . . Who says worship is reserved for Sunday morning singing "Amazing Grace". .. savoring the simple and transcend beauty of a beet counts for something sacred to me!

Into my bowl went the bean sprouts, the beautiful beet, the farmers market carrot, 2 handfuls of hand-torn cilantro, chopped peanuts, a drizzle of dark sesame oil, juice from a lime and salt. I added some Vietnamese cellophane noodles. . tossed together, it was a work of art. A meditation of ordinary into something extraordinary! When that was mixed I poured hot, not boiling water into my bright red pie dish and soaked for 10-15 seconds my round rice papers (the ones I went to SIX stores to find). I carefully removed them from the water, places on a wet rag on my counter and carefully put a single spoonful of my beet mixture. . . carefully folded up the end, the right side, the left side, placed two fresh mint leaves and rolled to the end. . It was art. . the perfect green outline of the mint leaf under the cool opaque rice paper skin.

We savored our spring rolls with a Sweet Chili Dipping Sauce. . .a masterpiece of Vietnamese flavor, rice wine vinegar, fish sauce, sugar, fresh lime juice, garlic and some red chili past for a kick. The mint, the garlic the chili, with the crunch of the carrot, the brightness of the beet. . each on it's own, not bad. . . but together, it was a symphony. I guess that's the beauty of our world, our communities, our relationships. . we need each other to bring out the best in each one, to release our "flavor" to the world! (all this from a Spring Roll)

I served the chicken on Jasmine rice I'd cooked in coconut milk. . (yummy) with a Peanut Dipping Sauce. . . peanut butter, soy sauce, red chili paste, lime juice. . . as Todd would say, "It sure didn't suck!"

I don't cook like that all the time, I seem to convince myself I need a reason. Today I'm thinking maybe cooking good food, for the sake of cooking good food is good enough? Something to consider.

You can check out the recipes at: www.foodnetwork.com Search for Summer Rolls with Sweet Chili Dipping Sauce and Chicken Satay with Peanut Sauce. . both from Tyler Florence.

What's Faith Got to Do With It?

In church today I saw things differently, I wondered about the language, I questioned what does it mean with the missionary says, "before we went to "the field." What is that language about anyway?

The Faith Club; A Muslim, A Christian, A Jew, Three Women Search for Understanding, by Ranya Idliby, Suzanne Oliver, and Priscilla Warner, It's this book that caused me to see church differently. It's the true story of these three women in New York City in the months and years following 9/11. The Muslim women's search for what her religion means in today's world, and how she can authentically practice Islam in America. A Jewish women who was a "Member of the Tribe" but unsure of God in such an unstable, unpredictable world, and an Episcopal, strong and sure in her faith, maybe even "rigid"? They share, they challenge, they lay bare their doubts, their stereotypes of each other, they unintentionally offend each other, and celebrate Yom Kippur, Easter and Ramadan with their friends. They uncover what divides, but much more so what unites as women, as mothers and as citizens of a fallen world. The Jewish woman learns to love and respect Jesus, The Christian learns the history that divides Jews and Christian and how easy it is to unknowingly offend, the Muslim learns how to embrace her faith, The Jewish woman and Palestinian Muslim learn how to look beyond the political chaos in Israel to something more. . .

A few of my own lessons from these articulate, educated, FAITHFUL women. . .
* The Holocaust shapes much of the views of many Jews today. They (or Priscilla) lives daily with the doubt and fear, "It happened before, it could happen again, and it could happen to me."

* The Crucifixion of Jesus is where the rub comes, especially for so many Jewish people. When Christians talk about the Crucifixion, it's easy for Jews to hear, "The Jews who crucified Jesus. ." When I've always thought it was "ALL of us" who were responsible for his death.

* Muslims (or the Quran, the Holy Book of Islam) views, Christians, and Jews as fellow "Followers of the Book"


I could go on and on. . . It seems like EVERY book I've picked up over the past month or so. . . from "Hypnobirthing" (an alternative to Lamaze birthing), to Lost Women of the Bible and now this book, have caused me to think deeply about, "The way things are, isn't always the way things ARE." We are shaped by our history, we are shaped by our culture, we are shaped by the expereince and baises of those who have come before us, and our baises will shape our world. But can we live outside of these biases? I'm not sure that we every truly can. I guess we live the best we can within the culture and expereince we've been given, we learn what we can, we question where we can, we share our journey with others and do the best we can with what we are given. . .my weak faith and feeble questions somehow help us all. . .

Todd's Dog

In the year since Todd and I got married, and I moved in with Todd and Denali, I've come to love Denali. She the sweetest dog. She loves it when I am home, she followes me everywhere I go, she's usually only a few steps from me at any given time. We go for walks most mornings and she goes nuts when I walk up stairs to get my shoes, you've never seen a more joyful dog.

I'm over her.

Here's what happened. Yesterday about 5:45 I had just gotten home from tutoring Jayma, Diana and Terysh in Ponoma. (which is another story). I was standing in the kitchen talking to Todd on the phone, when I hear Denali come in the house. . not unusual, we have a doggy door for her, only this time. . THIS TIME. . . she came in wagging her tail, as PROUD as can be, with a newly, DEAD, Rabbit in her mouth. I'm not one who reacts calmly to uninvited animals in my home, alive or dead. I start screaming, which make Denali even more excited to show me what she's caught, so she comes closer, I run around the island to get away, she runs the other way. (Mind you, Todd is on the phone the whole time hearing me Screaming, jumping, Yelling "NO Denali, get outside, Stop it!") Finally I was able to get to the door, while she was coming at me from around the other side of the table and get her to take the rabbit outside. I was so scared she was going to drop it on the floor in the house! AHHH Can you imagine? Good thing Todd was on his way home. I would have walked out of the front door and sat on the steps until he came home. . even if I would have had to sit out there all day.

I don't do dead varmints on my floor.

Denali was so pleased with her self. Todd told me my reaction was ALL wrong. I crushed the poor dogs spirits, she just wanted to show me what she could do, I was "suppose" to praise her. WHATEVER.

I look at Denali different now. Gone are the days of innocence!

About Tutoring:

Jayma is probably in fourth grade. When I got there Diana (6th grader) was doing her division problems on Terysh's cell phone. (The teacher in me couldn't have that)
"Diana, what are you doing?"
"Jayma's home work"
"How is that helping her?"
"I dunno know"
"What's she going to do on a test?"

Finally she erased all the work and I made Jayma sit by me and LEARN it. She was just starting division. I taught her the chocolate chip cookie method of division. . you've hear of that, right?

"Okay Jayma. when is says 13/3. Really what we need to find out is how many hand fulls of three chocolate chips do we need to put into a whole chocolate chip cookie for a total of 13 chips."

So we drew a cookie with 13 chips, then she circled groups of three. We found there were four groups of three, with 1 extra chip left over. 4 remainder 1.

It was meant as an example. She got it thought, and I saw the light bulb in hear head go off. She did five problems, no problem. The we went on to talk about how you figure out division from a more "mathematical" perspective. What was so exciting was to see a girl who really didn't have a clue what she was doing, GET IT! I couldn't have stopped her from finishing her division homework if I wanted to. That in and of it self was a minor miracle.

What strikes me when I go to tutor is what appears to me as a HUGE educational discrepancy. The little boys who are 4 and 8 can barely speak. They need a speech pathologist so bad, it's painful to try and understand what these little guys are saying. The kids can mostly read, mostly and math. . forget about it. Education seems to be an added problem in their life, not a ticket to something better. I'm only dealing with a handful of kids in one neighborhood in Pomona, but if they are any sort of sample. . . Something needs to change.

420 Gratitude

Yesterday at 4:49 Gina and I drove away from 420 N. Virginia for the last time. I would be lying to say I didn't cry. The tears surprised me as I drove away. Gratitude was really the word of the day though. As Gina and I sat on the floor of the empty house and waited for the new owners to come we realized that we had owned the house for two weeks short of four and a half years. I'm not sure that either one of us thought we would have had the house for so long when we bought it. We bought it with "two years" on the brain.

I remember when we got the keys and walking through the completely empty house, tearing down wallpaper in each room. . and the prayers that were prayed on that first day. . . that it would be a place of happiness, that it would be a place where people were comfortable, a place of growth. . . and to again, stand in the empty rooms and reflect on all the memories that were in those rooms. . .So many prayers were answered!

I feel gratitude for my grandparents . . Nana & Bampy who set aside a small bit of money for education or a home soon after I was born. . . I think they would be proud of the house I was able to buy with it, and the return on investment as we sold it.

I feel gratitude for Gina who was brave enough to agree to a journey of "co-ownership". . I'm not sure if we knew what that meant when we started. . but there is no one that I'd have wanted to walk through this journey with.

I feel gratitude for the amazing women who lived in the house. . . Kristin & Emily (while I was there. . still others in the year since I moved out.) There was so much laughter, tears, late night talks (which always seemed to happen on the kitchen floor. . I have no idea why!) There were first dates, blind dates, coming home after marriage proposals. . . Preparations for trips all over the world. . South Africa, South America, Asia, All points in the US, and the returns home. Coffee brewing the the morning, crackers and cheese for dinner, What Not to Wear, Friends and the Apprentice on TV. Dinner Parties, Movie Nights, Christmas Parties, Going-Away Parties and Birthday Parties. 420 was awfully good to a lot of single women as we worked our way through our 20 and early 30's.

I feel gratitude for how it sold. . . We had it on the market for all of 8 days. Received just a bit under our asking price, and closed on the day set from the very beginning. Everything went as smooth as can be expected.

The new owners were SOOOO excited to move in, and that was all I asked, 420 HAD to go to people who just "loved the house" as much as we did. . . I know that like the house today. . and I pray that they will "love" the house in the years to come as they grow at 420.

Pants.

Pants seem to be a problem these days.

My closet full of jeans, don't fit as well as they use to. . . some don't fit at all, others I can manage, but they aren't too comfortable. But then, what to wear? Turns out the maternity pants I bought. . are great STANDING in a dessing room, but with much moving around. . well, let's just say they fall off. I have a great pair of strech, rooming black pants, that have the really wide leg, so they almost look like a skirt, cute really. . but everyday??! I start to feel quite frumpy in them. And besides, they aren't appropriate in all settings. . .I feel to "casual".

Yesterday I couldn't take it any more. . . I went to Target to find another pair of maternity pants, I hear that Liz Lange makes great products. But, how in the world do you buy materinity pants. . never having been through this before. . .they are sized 2,4,6,8 etc. . so do I buy the size I "was"/pre-maternity? What is a girl to do? I talked a couple of friends who have been this way before me. . and they said, buy which size you would have bought before. I did. They are better. . but still a bit too roomy for me right now. . .I wore them today, I still have to keep hitching up my britches!! Oh the tramas and dramas of my LIFE!!!

I saw the movie "Waitress" today. . it was fairly good. . . made me want to run right home and bake some sort of amazing pie. (the main character is a waitress who makes amazing pies). . that desire passed quickly! :)

Gina and I are in the last week of co-home ownership. . our house should, if all goes well close on Friday. . . it's a bit bitter sweet. . It was such a great decision to buy the house, and I'm glad that we are able to sell it now, and that it's been so smooth. . . I love that little place, I'll be sorry to hand over my key on Sunday afternoon. . . . But such is life. . nothing lasts forever!

Meeting Jesus. ..

So, I met Jesus today, in the Staples Parking lot. Apparently he lives under a bridge in Azusa. Who knew?

I was coming out of Staples and I noticed a stragling looking man in the parking lot, not thinking too much about him I went to my car, he sort of followed me, not really he was a safe distances off, and he stayed at a distance. . "Don't worry mam, I was hungry and wondering if you had any food you could share with me." I didn't have anything in my car, and having spent some time around homeless during my adventures on Skid Row, I do have a soft place for helping people who are struggling. I gave him a dollar. (I know, you're not suppose to give them money, but what is a women out by her self to do? I didn't want to walk across the parking lot to Taco Bell with him and buy a meal.. . So I gave him a dollar) He said, "God Bless you, What's your name? I told him Amy and he said, 'I'm Jesus." I said, "It's a pleasure to meet you Jesus." To which he replied, "I've been called Jesus since I was 18. Thank you and God Bless you." I got in my car and thought, "So, I met Jesus today."

The bible talks about entertaining angles "unaware". . when we least expect it, in the faces of people we least expect" And Jesus (of the bible)says, 'What you do for the least of these, you do for me." . . So maybe the Staples Jesus, while probably a bit crazy, wasn't so crazy after all. . We are all made in the image of Jesus, so somewhere beneath the matted beard, dirty hands and greasy hair. . . Jesus (of the Bible) shines thought. I once read an author who said we should make a practice in every converation to "bow to the Christ within each person we meet" I think about that often, not in every converation, but often about how can I 'bow, honor, reflect, see and treasure' that which is sacred and the image of the holy in each person. It's certainly easy with clean, sane, safe people, but it's certainly not only for those I'm comfortable with, in fact it's probably best lived out with those I'm least comfortable with.

I met Jesus today, he wasn't what I expected. . . but I'm sure Jesus was there none-the-less.

Dazed and Confused

I've heard people talk about "Pregnancy Brain" . . . Today I understood what that meant! I was on my way out the door, except I needed my cell phone, I searched the house top to bottom three times. . finally I found my cell phone in the laundry room, on the dryer (don't ask). Gave the dog a treat (the best way to get her out of the house), and I was off.. in my car, out of the garage, wait, do I have my cell phone, not in my purse, not on the seat. . back in the house, again full search of the house. . no cell phone, it MUST be in the car. . not in the car. . back into the house. . I CALL the cell phone, it starts ringing and it's Todd's special ring (ah, how sweet that he's calling me. . . ) I find the phone, on the back of the toilet. . . (again, NO idea!). . . So I call Todd back to tell him how helpful his call was. . . only his phone was turned off because he was on a flight. That special Todd ring. . that was ME calling my own cell phone, from the house number, saved under Todd's name. . . LOSING MY MIND.

In church a couple of weeks ago during the "social time" a gentleman we'd never met before turned around held out his hand and said, 'Hi, my name is Rick." To which I responded. "Hi I'm Rick". . "I mean, I'm Amy, not Rick, Rick is your name.". . Needless to say, I had the giggles all through church. (This didn't alarm me, because i have been known to wear two different shoes to church. . . but that's another story entirely)

I bought my first pair of maternity pants today. I still have a couple of pants that work, but the pair of jeans I was wearing today, even with the hair band through the loop and around the button, just wasn't working for me. . so Old Navy, here I come. I was going to buy a pair of jeans a couple sizes too big, but then I thought. . just buy maternity pants. . . So I'm the owner of maternity pants. They are a bit big. . but they work, and I guess that leaves plenty of room to grow!

Baby Hoppock LOVED being in Idaho this past weekend, the sweet smelling spring air was really good for baby. I went for a walk on Saturday morning (on Varin Road). . I kept breathing deep and telling the baby, "This is what spring smells like, and THIS is what CLEAN, GOOD air smells like!) There is nothing as sweet as the smell of new alfalfa and just dried dirt. . it's a symphony for the nose!

I've been reading the MOST facinating book. . it's called Hypnobirthing. . about giving birth naturally. . . there was a chapter on the history of birthing. . . I'm not going to write about it today. . but stay tuned it was FACINATING!

Going Mint Green

We have Pergo flooring. . it's nice. But requires mopping, lots, and lots of mopping. I discovered early in my relationship with the floor that the store bought stuff (at $5 a bottle by the way) really didn't do a good job. In search of a better alternative, I discovered that White Vinegar and water (equal amounts) does a better job. . . and so much more economical! That got me thinking about "cleaner" cleaning alternatives. . Todd and I are going GREEN! We're not going crazy or anything. . We focused on a couple different areas. . .
1)changing our light bulbs. . small change. . . we don't even notice a difference. . . and good for energy consumption.
2) Reusable Grocery bags- THIS IS MY FAVORITE, I don't know why I waited so long to start taking my own bags to the store. I can fit all my groceries into two canvas bags (usually I have 5-10 plastic bags), they are easier to carry, fit more, less waste (It takes a plastic bag up to 1000 years to decompose in a land fill, and something like 40 million trees are cut down each year for paper bags) And you usually get a 5-10 cent discount for each bag. We made a deal that we won't buy any groceries if we don't have a reusable bag.
3) Using our Own Cups at Starbucks. - Again, you get a .10 discount, and I have to say, I like using my own cup, and I feel good not throwing away a cup (or two) every time! (Again, we made a deal that we wouldn't buy any coffee without our own cup, or we have to use the "stay" cups)
4) Using "Green" Cleaning Products. Hence, making my own water and vinegar floor cleaner. I look for products that don't contain harsh chemicals, use recycled products etc. I've found that I like Method (great smelling, available at Target) Mrs. Meyers (good smelling, I like Method better), and Bon Aim is another earth friendly, proven product. I haven't started looking at Laundry soap and dish soap yet, but when we finish what we have right now, that's my next step. All this helps reduce toxins that get into the water supply. . good for our futures!
5) Being Intentionally about recycling. (Recycle, Reduce, Reuse!)

All totally small things. . . more "mint green" than green. . but really easy and they actually make life a bit more convenient. . (Try your own bags. . really, once you get in the habit, you'll never go back!)

Sheltering Hope

A Note re: An Open Apology to Former Roomates

No, Kristin you weren't the bad. None of my roomates ever have been. And I had TOTALLY forgotten about the morning you woke up and said, "I Bring Good News, Childbirth doesn't hurt.". . of course, given your expereince in this area, that prediction was totally right. . . right?? :)

******
Last week after our first dr. appointment and ultra sound, I came home and opened a devotional book from one of my favorite authors, (Macrina Wiederkehr). She is the most delightful, and insightful Catholic nun. I had put the book away several months ago, (my short attention span), but it was what I pulled out last week. I had left off at the section titled, "Standing on Tiptoe; The Season of HOPE". . The first reading: Hoping in Darkness: Several thoughts to share. . one striking given the incidents of last Monday at Virginia Tech. . .

"Our vision is limited. We need so desperatly to learn how to hope more completely in all those little bits of life scattered through our days. We need to be so very careful lest we throw someone away because of our lack of hope in their potential, their possibility to be. We need to believe in that mystery within, even when the mystery seems so pale and small we can hardly call it by its true name, Life."

Doen't she have a way with words?? "careful lest we throw someone away because of OUR lack of hope in their potential." I've thought so much about the people who live in the margins, that I don't take the time to see. . people like the young shooter at Virginia Tech. . who lived in the margins. May I have eyes to see the margins.

Most readings include a poem. As I read her poetry, I understand the power of poetry.

"It is good to remember:
We do not give birth to ourselves.
We give birth to others
by believing in that first, small spark of life
the spark we barely see.

It is called hope.
It is immensely helpful
at birth."

It was really striking to read the evening when I saw for the first time. . .our "small spark of life". . It is called "hope".

I was struck a couple of weeks ago by Psalms 139

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother's womb
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex. . " (13-14)

It's easy to think this expereince is "my" expereince (being nauseas, tired, growing belly). . but what I realized is God's at work in my womb, it's not really about me, it's about God knitting "hope" together in my womb. (Or Sheltering Hope) I'm just the conduit. This Psalm isn't about me. . . it's about 'giving birth to others". It just struck me as so profound, and so eloquently reinforced by Macrina's poetry.

Anyway. . deep thoughts.

Really, no matter where on your Journey to or away from God. . Macrina Wiederkehr's books are amazing, and so profoundly beautiful. The book i'm savoring is: Season's of Your Heart: Prayers and Reflections: Faith, Mystery, Love, Hope and Wonder.

Winds of Change. . .

It's official. I'm really pregnant! We had our first Dr. appointment yesterday. Todd was such an amazing sport for going with me!

Impressions: There are lots of pregnant ladies in the waiting room. Now, I guess this is obvious, and to be expected.(no pun intended) I almost laughed out loud when we walked into the doctor's office. I don't know what I was expecting (again, no pun). . but man, there were lots of big bellies! We ended up waiting about three yes 3 hours to see the doctor. He had to leave after we'd been waiting for close to an hour to deliver a baby! I guess that's probably to be expected at an OB/GYN. . again, all new to me! After what seemed like FOREVER we finally did get in, weighted, questioned, and again, told to wait. . . .

When the doctor finally did come in, and start our exam. . . well I won't go into detail. . but Todd was a REAL sport. I was quite relieved when the doctor said, "Yep, your definitely pregnant." I knew I wasn't making the whole thing up. . but. . .

The best part was when we got to see the little one. Doctor did an ultra-sound, and we could clearly see the head, hands, feet, I'm sure I can even see the tiny nose! As we were watching. . so amazing. . the little one waved at us! REALLY. . I know, I know. . but it did, it's little hands were moving around. I missed the heart beating because I was so focused on watching it's little hands moving, waving and gesturing. . I think she might follow after me and talk with her hands!! :) She. . or He. . . I'm convinced we're having a boy because I'm eating all the time, not vomiting and I've lost 5 pounds. And on Grey's Anatomy I heard that caring a boy takes 10% more energy/calories than girls. So clearly, with Grey's Anatomy as my medical backup. . it has to be a boy. But then at the Doctor's office, in my hours of reading, I came across a Chinese Horoscope/Calendar, which has been around for thousands of years, and they claim is 99% accurate, which states that someone who is 31 and conceives in February, WILL have a girl. I've got a Chinese Soul, and love all things Chinese. . . So now, I'm in a real bind. Good news is, one theory is completely correct! (or something like that) I'll see if I'm smart enough to post a picture of our little one. Right now, I KNOW I'm not that smart.

When we finally left the office. . it was WAY past my dinner time. We stopped and got Chinese takeout. . . they only included one fortune cookie. . the fortune. . "THE COMING MONTHS SHALL BRING WINDS OF CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE".

How appropriate!

An Open Apology to All Former Roomates

I use to be a morning person. One of those people who's eyes popped open with the sun, and started talking about 3 seconds after that. (no coffee required). I have even been known to RUN three, four, five, six miles before 6:30 in the morning. Total 100% morning person.

That USE to be me, about 11 weeks ago, all that changed. It must be some cosmic "getting back" from all the dear women who've lived with me over the years, who weren't quite so perky, and who put up with me anyway. . . To them. . most notably, Gina, Kristin and Emily. . . My humblest apologies. I didn't know.

Take Saturday morning for example. My dear, sweet husband woke up, and TALKED to me. Like I care that he's going to get up and make French Roast Coffee in his French Press. Is that needful information first thing in the morning?? Then, THEN, he asked me,

"do you need anything?"

I know there was nothing but love and good intentions behind those dear words. . but really, that early in the morning? Them's fighting words. I was barely able to mumble through my foggy brain,

"Put in toast" (this whole 'being with child' requires much fuel, and immedietly in the morning) To which he replied, (oh, so cleverly)
"Put toast in what?"
Must we delve into this amount of detail so early in the morning? Isnt' it clear.

"IN THE TOASTER". .

"oh, so you would like me to put a piece of bread in the toaster, to be toasted?!". . .

The details, the converstaion, such dribble, so early! It was almost more than I could take. I couldn't believe the nerve, the chipperness, the clear thought process. . so early. . When I did wake up. . . three hours later (Oh, I got out of bed soon after that, I had toast to eat!, but I didn't wake up for hours aftewards) I realized, I use to be a morning person, I use to have converations, I use to talk, I use to bounce out of bed and annoy people with my chipperness and alertness. . . oh, sweet memories.

So, to each roommate who's shared a room, a kitchen and home with me. . who's had to stumble their way to the coffee machine, and try and talk with Amy before getting coffee. . . I'm sorry. I didn't know. I FULLY understand, I'll try and be much better, less chipper, less talkative, less "bouncy" first thing in the morning, it's really uncalled for!

Let's Get Started.

I'm always being asked "Are you writing", especially now that I'm pregnant, "Are you keeping a journal?" I'm not. But I think now I'll start, and what better way to do that, then on a Blog, it seems "everyone is doing it!"

We're 10 weeks along. All my books say that the little one is about the size of a plum, and that it's arms and legs are about the size of a 1. It's elbows and knees work, and it's heart has started beating. . and it's kidney is working to. I'm not sure where the baby urine goes, but evidently it's making some!

I think that I'm starting to turn some sort of corner, we have two weeks left in this first trimester, and everyone says there is a marked difference in the second trimester.. I can feel some of the nausea and the constant need to eat going away (sort of) and I even stayed up until 10 one night this week. . although I did sleep two hours the next day. . but really, I think I'm turning a corner. I feel like I'm in a little bit of a wierd stage, feeling better, but by looking at me you really can't tell anything. . . all my jeans still fit. . . So have I just made this whole thing up? We have our first doctor's appointmnt next Tuesday, so I guess we'll know more then.

I'm tutoring some students in Ponoma on Tuesdays after school. It's a real riot. (and I mean the literally and figuratively) There are a whole bunch of kids, I'm suppose to work with the older girls. There are kids of all ages, and who am I to send them away if they have homework that needs to get done. . .So we've been doing story problems. . . Diane takes whatever two numbers she sees first and ALWAYS adds them together. We're starting to make progress, like READING the problem all the way through. I told her the first week, "Listen, you are letting the people who write story problems WIN when you don't read the problem. You're not the kind of girl who let's other win like that.". . Terysh is a junior and doing ALGEBRA. . . aiyiyiy. Last week they asked me how many kids I had. In their world everyone has lots of kids, so the fact I didn't have any, I think they thought I was lying. When I said, "but I am going to have a baby. . " It's funny how kids eyes go STRAIGHT to your stomach. It was like, "Whatcha talking about?" The oldest girl when I said I was 10 weeks along knew EXACTLY what was going on with the baby. I was pretty impressed. She is talking childcare in school. . and really learning something. She wants to either be a peditrician or a 2nd grade teacher. :) They said to me, "So do you like in a real big fancy house?". . . I didn't know what to say, because no, not really. But then again, I know where some of them live, and how many people live with them. We meet next door to a church, behind a home, and eveyweek there are more and more people spilling out of the house. . . I have no idea how many live there. . . so in all honesty. . . Yeah, I live in a real big house.

So. . . 10 weeks and counting!